How are you all doing today? I’m having a rough day as a pregnant lady but that’s ok. I’m gradually learning that I have to rest more and take time out….
I’ll be honest with you. Today I turned on my laptop with the intention of writing a “Goodbye” post. After coming to realise a few things about blogging, I decided to say farewell and close down my blog. I’m gonna tell you why…..
1) After I posted the scan of our baby in my last post, what I did not expect was a huge drop in views and only three comments. Numbers. Something I’ve never really been bothered about before…..however, this one time I became really upset, especially when I compare this to the content of the highest viewed posts on my blog. Yeah….it just upset me.
2) Blogging doesn’t give the real picture. I know a lot of people who are blogging to aid their recovery from an ED, to help establish new habits, to help others…..however, I have become increasingly aware of the fact that it’s not the big picture. Some big-name bloggers have so many girls looking up to them, when it is glaringly obvious that the writers themselves need to focus on their own healing process. This kind of scares me…..
3) Trigger vs honesty. As a previous sufferer of anorexia, I am only too aware of the power of triggering pictures, articles and attitudes on the net. I originally set up a blog (not this one) to explore raw vegan recipes, to talk about health issues and, most of all, to reach out and help others seek treatment for their EDs. I wanted to be open, honest and encourage those who were struggling to seek professional advice and to focus on healthy, nutritious healing recipes. In those early days, I said to myself that if I helped one other person in some way, then I’d be happy…..
….Recently, I’ve had many bad days. Pregnancy is a huge deal to any woman, however, to someone who has had a significant part of their life consumed by a terrible illness (associated with self-esteem and body image non the less), then things can become a little delicate. For the last 14 weeks, I’ve felt mis-understood and even judged, by people who I feel who are not in a position to do so. Even small comments from those around me have triggered familiar, destructive thought patterns. The last thing I wanted to do was to come here each day and tell you all how low I was feeling…..I mean I’m supposed to be happy, right?
I started to see things through the eyes of a person struggling again. I came to realise how easy it is to trigger destructive thoughts/behaviours in a vulnerable person and the last thing I wanted to do was to be that person for any one of you.
4) Commenting back…..and this is just a silly thing really……but have you ever had a friend who you always text first? They never really make the first effort with you? Well….yeah….depending on the circumstances, this can be really irritating and causes you to question the whole friendship. I know blogging is different…..but over time the effect can be similar. It’s so lovely and genuine to have someone leave a few words without facilitation.
Sorry for all this rambling. I guess you could blame the hormones…….
Anyway. After some too-ing and fro-ing, I have decided to re-focus on why I am here and carry on regardless. I came here to help people. To educate. To share my kitchen and fitness experiments with you. I feel that although pregnancy will be a huge challenge for me, I am ready to share my experiences with you properly. The good days and the bad days, in the hope that, one day, someone reads this and feels that life is going to get a little bit easier……..:-)
Love to you all