Hi Ladies…..
How are you all doing today? I’m having a rough day as a pregnant lady but that’s ok. I’m gradually learning that I have to rest more and take time out….
I’ll be honest with you. Today I turned on my laptop with the intention of writing a “Goodbye” post. After coming to realise a few things about blogging, I decided to say farewell and close down my blog. I’m gonna tell you why…..
1) After I posted the scan of our baby in my last post, what I did not expect was a huge drop in views and only three comments. Numbers. Something I’ve never really been bothered about before…..however, this one time I became really upset, especially when I compare this to the content of the highest viewed posts on my blog. Yeah….it just upset me.
2) Blogging doesn’t give the real picture. I know a lot of people who are blogging to aid their recovery from an ED, to help establish new habits, to help others…..however, I have become increasingly aware of the fact that it’s not the big picture. Some big-name bloggers have so many girls looking up to them, when it is glaringly obvious that the writers themselves need to focus on their own healing process. This kind of scares me…..
3) Trigger vs honesty. As a previous sufferer of anorexia, I am only too aware of the power of triggering pictures, articles and attitudes on the net. I originally set up a blog (not this one) to explore raw vegan recipes, to talk about health issues and, most of all, to reach out and help others seek treatment for their EDs. I wanted to be open, honest and encourage those who were struggling to seek professional advice and to focus on healthy, nutritious healing recipes. In those early days, I said to myself that if I helped one other person in some way, then I’d be happy…..
….Recently, I’ve had many bad days. Pregnancy is a huge deal to any woman, however, to someone who has had a significant part of their life consumed by a terrible illness (associated with self-esteem and body image non the less), then things can become a little delicate. For the last 14 weeks, I’ve felt mis-understood and even judged, by people who I feel who are not in a position to do so. Even small comments from those around me have triggered familiar, destructive thought patterns. The last thing I wanted to do was to come here each day and tell you all how low I was feeling…..I mean I’m supposed to be happy, right?
I started to see things through the eyes of a person struggling again. I came to realise how easy it is to trigger destructive thoughts/behaviours in a vulnerable person and the last thing I wanted to do was to be that person for any one of you.
4) Commenting back…..and this is just a silly thing really……but have you ever had a friend who you always text first? They never really make the first effort with you? Well….yeah….depending on the circumstances, this can be really irritating and causes you to question the whole friendship. I know blogging is different…..but over time the effect can be similar. It’s so lovely and genuine to have someone leave a few words without facilitation.
Sorry for all this rambling. I guess you could blame the hormones…….
Anyway. After some too-ing and fro-ing, I have decided to re-focus on why I am here and carry on regardless. I came here to help people. To educate. To share my kitchen and fitness experiments with you. I feel that although pregnancy will be a huge challenge for me, I am ready to share my experiences with you properly. The good days and the bad days, in the hope that, one day, someone reads this and feels that life is going to get a little bit easier……..:-)
Love to you all
xoxo
I’m sorry I don’t comment very often darling – life seems to be a bit overwhelming at the moment and I don’t always have time to feedback, but I always, always read your posts when they come through to my emails. I hope that you do keep blogging because I love your blog and I love reading your amazing journey from recovery through to pregnancy. It’s so inspiring. Lots of love xx
Thank you sweetie. I get emotionally involved in everything I do- Including blogging! I think my hormones are making me just say whatever comes into my head at the moment! I love your blog too – in fact, deffo one of my faves
I hope to meet u with Nicky one day. We’ll have lots to chat about! x x
Yes! It’s such a shame we live like opposite ends of the country! Maybe co-ordinate a Brighton trip if you fancy it? I would love to meet you!xx
That sounds great! I keep telling Nicky we should go to Brighton!
xxx
I am so happy you’ve decided to stay!!! We all go through tough phases like this when we feel like not carrying on with our blogs. But in the end….remember you write for you! And as long as you’re still enjoying it then keep on doing it!!! Thinking about you girl!
Thank you sweetie
It’s people like you who made me realise that I’d miss it too much! x x
That last paragraph made me really happy
I was all set to write a reply about how much I’d miss the blog, and how it’s a shame the reasons you listed would have led you to stop blogging in the first place.
One thing I will say is that it’s okay to struggle, and it’s okay to be human. Everyone has their vulnerable times: I appreciate you wish to be a strong and confident role model, but it’s actually very hard for people in the worst of their battles against any eating disorder, or other mental health problem, to identify with people who are perpetually happy. Your posts on depression, in particular, were excellently written and it would indeed be a shame for someone with such talent to disappear from the blogging sphere.
I might not comment on every post, because pregnancy, while beautiful and joyous for many, seems totally alien to me in the respect that I can’t have kids even if I wanted to, and I never know what to say! I do always find your posts lovely to read though: you have a good balance of longer/in depth and shorter/more ‘fun’ posts, so please don’t think that just because people aren’t commenting that they’re not reading or enjoying your blog.
xxx
Thank you sweetie! Numbers! I got caught up with them before and I deffo don’t wanna get too concerned with them again! It’s that ever-annoying thing inside me that wants people to like me! Grrr! I wish I was one of those girls who didn’t really care either way!
x x x
I love how honest you are in this post. I have had the same feeling after getting back to blogging after a blog break and realizing how low my commenters are compared to before. I guess like you said we just have to keep going and remember what we started our blog for.
Yes! You are so right! It takes a lot of work to run a blog! It’s like when I ran London Marathon….I was doing great up until 24miles, when my kneecap dislocated. I had to throw away all my hopes of doing a good time and remember why I was running in the first place – in memory of my friend. xxx
I got really worried when I saw the title of this post, and I have to admit I felt guilty for not coming here more often, I really do love your blog! I do know how you feel about all of these issues though, for someone struggling with health the blogworld sometimes isn’t as positive a tool as you might think. I’m really glad that you decided to carry on writing, I may not always comment (I’ve not been very well lately) but I still come here and read and I want you to know that I really admire your honesty, your drive, your motivation and determination, as well as the lovely attitude you have to life
Stay strong lovely!
Thank you sweetheart <3 Are you doing ok now? Out of all of the ladies I've "met" in blogworld, you one of those that I admire SOOOOO much. Your determination and motivation never fails to impress me and I'm sending you healing vibes x x x x
Oh petal I feel so bad now! I did read your post but I was on my phone and its a nightmare for using it to comment. I’m so glad that you have decided to continue blogging! I think all you can do when it comes down to it is stay true to yourself, the numbers and amount of comments don’t matter as long as your enjoying what your writing about. It sounds like its been good for you to get all of that off your chest though! I think your attitude to life is brilliant and I love that you share all of that joy with us, as well as being honest enough to talk about times when you don’t feel great either. Life is full of ups and downs at the end of the day. Hope your having a great week! We will have to sort out that Intermezzo date soon – perhaps we can drag Jessica along too! I get paid next week – not sure what you have on weekend after next?
Let me check my diary……weekend after next? hmmm….Oooh I have an Intermezzo date with you and Jess
perfect 
x x x
I LOVE your blog – you have a great attitude to health, food and fitness and your amazing weight loss journey was equally as admirable as the way you shared and dealt with the more recent changes you have had to make for the health of your body. It has paid off – you look great and are a fabulous role model to other young women seeking a healthy mind and body. Thank YOU for producing a blog that I will always read and be inspired by….I think your food pics always make me feel inspired
I got so sad when I started reading this! I was relieved to reach the last paragraph
I love reading – from your awesome raw and vegan recipes to your quirky slice of life posts. You’re really an inspiration to so many girls out there, even if only *one* person reads your post. You will have impacted at least one life, and that’s already more than a lot of people can say. But of course, you should blog for you. For the support of the community. When it feels good.
most of us will be here no matter what
BIG squishy hugs sweetie – thank you
xx
Emma I’m so glad you’re not giving this up – I love your insight and you never fail to make me smile! Even your bad days help me to look at myself and evaluate how honest I am with coping after and ED. I owe you so much for that! I try to comment as much as I can, and when I don’t, I promise I’m reading
You’ve always been so kind to me, and that’s not something I can say of all bloggers. Sending you hugs!!
Sending hugs back to you too! You’re the best Tara – you’re one of the bloggers I wish I lived closer to
xxx
really glad to hear your not giving up blogging, I do understand those inner feelings about blogging, I get them a lot. espeically when I reply in blogs alot and never get any responses on my one. for me its a long standing self esteem problem. take care hun. xxx
You’re right – it’s definitely a self esteem problem. I’m so glad you left this comment as it has made me realise I can’t add you to my bloglovin list….into my blogroll you go
xx
Maybe you could take a short break from blogging?
I do love reading your posts and would be sad for you to go.
Love ya girlie keep a smile on your face and dont forget how beautiful you are xoxo
LOVE UUUUU! Big hugs x x x x x x
Lovely one, I will most definitely miss your enthusiasm and your writing, but if dropping is what will make you happiest then you should do it. Hugs. Please keep in touch?
xoxo
I took some time to realise the main reasons I started a blog in the first place……I’ll be here for a while yet
xx
Hey lovely! I am so happy that you are going to continue writing your blog. How many readers you have doesn’t really matter as long as you enjoy writing as that is hat counts the most. How amazing and exciting for you to see your little one! You are handling pregnancy so wonderfully with it’sups and downs. Thank you for sharing your incredible journey! x
Hi sweetie! Thank you
That scan was such a special moment and it certainly helped to put all of the exhaustion and nausea to the back of my head for a while 
Please don’t leave us! I am so curious to know more about you the good, bad and everything in between! Don’t be afraid to be honest
I love your blog and so longs blogging isn’t hurting you then please continue to talk to us xxx
Thank you
It feels good to re-focus on why I came here in the first place and focus on that again 
“Goodbye” … please no, I have only just found your blog and think being pregnant is a magical gift. I’m no vegan, quite the opposite actually but I love reading blogs when I can and think that we all have so much to share with each other, the good the bad and yes even the downright ugly. I have not gone back and read your entire history and I don’t think I need to because from your about me and the last 2 posts you come across as a lovely, vibrant, bun baking lady who yes has a past …. but then who doesn’t? When I had my kiddos I totally had hormone issues and would cry waterfalls at a lost parking ticket. Enjoy the new journey in this very exciting chapter of your life xx
Thank you Lara
Man….I think there has only been two days during in this pregnancy that I haven’t had a good old cry! Sometimes I cry and then laughter becomes mixed in with it because I suddenly realise how silly I’m being! 
Hugs to you x x x
I read, but don’t comment much… one of those creepy lurkers!
I am glad you decided not to stop blogging 
I agree with you about the “friend you always have to text” thing with blogging. I don’t think I have anyone that comments on my blog without facilitation though… but it doesn’t bother me because I write mostly for myself.
Keep writing whatever you feel like writing and don’t feel like you need to change because you only got a few comments!
You’re totally right
And blog I will……I guess I have a lot to say at the moment but just need to work my way through my pregnancy brain fog and find a way to say it! 
sending hugs to you! xx
I’m glad you’re not stopping blogging. I don’t get to read blogs as much as I’d Iike but I always enjoy reading yours (and the picture of your baby is stunning!)
I’m sure just about everyone that’s been through it would agree that pregnancy’s no walk in the park, and especially if you’ve been through what you have – and no one expects you to be happy all the time, pregnant or not; this blog’s about you and that’s why we read it
Hope you’re ok xx
I just saw you comment on another blog and saw that you posted why you wanted to leave blogging. I was intrigued because, not that I have one, but I love reading them and was curious what would make you stop. DON’T STOP!!!!! That baby is a BABE
Haha but really, as a nursing student infatuated with overall health and neonatal care in particular, I hope that you can only take away happy things from sharing such personal things with a big audience! You’re doing a wonderful job as a blogger, a healthy mentor, and as a woman. Stay strong!!