I write this post from my bed, feeling a little sorry for myself to be honest. Here we are, 12 weeks post C Section and I’m still feeling the remnants of the excruciating pain of a womb infection. Having finished another course of antibiotics, I’m praying that I’ll feel normal soon….but I’m actually doubting that very much.
I think Leo has been subject to the adverse effects of my medication, having had a couple of rough days. Thankfully he currently sleeps on my lap and must be having a nice dream because he keeps smiling 
I’m beyond exhausted right now. With Leo being somewhat out of sorts, I’ve had to provide 24/7 cuddles and comfort to calm his cries. Poor little mite.
As many first time mothers find out, being a mum comes with lots of sacrifice and many confusing emotions. I don’t feel like myself at all. At the age of 3 I started dance classes. I danced through the years up until uni, where my interest in running, yoga and all things fitness emerged and became great passions of mine for the next 12 years of my life. Like one of my besties, food wise, I struggled with a anorexia for around 10years. I recall my lowest BMI reaching around 11.8 before I took drastic action to recover. I would say that it took the best part of 6 years before I felt okay in my own skin…………yup……then I fell pregnant.
Of course, having children was something I always dreamed of, yet my history of anorexia, low self esteem and depression made the whole prospect SO scary!!
Anyway…..I made it. I made it over what I feel, is the last and ultimate hurdle in recovery. Pregnancy and childbirth. There is a post within that realm, waiting to be written so I’ll leave that topic for today. However, what I will say is that I have lost all my body confidence as a result of having a C section. The pain and after effects have been major and even as I type this post, my eyes are full as I recall everything my body has been through and the years of training that, I feel, have been lost to a surgical procedure. I love being a mother with all of my heart, yet I feel pretty down about my loss of function.
Needless to say, I don’t want to cry or fall into the trap of depression. I just want to set myself a few fitness and nutrition goals and crack on with them. To begin with I will use this blog as a bit of a dairy to keep me on track and remind myself where I’m heading. Plans always make me feel better and I feel like I need one right now…to make sure that I get that bit of myself back before I relapse into old thinking patterns.
My Goals for now…..
1 – Go to the gym 3 times per week come rain or shine!
2- Do some yoga each day – even 5 minutes helps
3 – Record my meals and snacks on le blog!
4 – Get the cook books out and try one new recipe per week
5 – do some abdominal work every day – again, every little helps!
So…..I guess that’s it. Kind of like a health diary. To give me structure, keep me sane and let me get my mojo back!
I’ll start with today’s lunch – falafel wrap from M&S
And here’s a little gem of a mini muffin that I had a couple of days ago. I was experimenting in the kitchen and came up with a batch of these little tasty treats. They’re nutritious, high in protein and contain oats for slow energy release.
Oaty Apple and Almond Muffins
Makes 9 mini muffins
- 1 cup oats ground into a flour
- 2 pink lady apples
- 2 sachets stevia
- small handful crushed almonds
- 3 egg whites
I blitzed the ingredients in my Vitamix and shared the mixture between 9 mini cupcake cases. 30mins at 120deg C. Yummy!!!
Anyway…..the kettle and a cuppa are calling so I’ll se ya tomorrow!
xoxo
Hugs <3 I believe that because you now have kids, recovery will be so much stronger than before super proud of you for being a strong fighter all these years!
Thank you sweetie
Children definitely put a new spin on things and make your priorities change. Some days those nagging ED thoughts come back but it’s MUCH easier to kick them into place 
Love to you xxxx
xoxo
Oh gosh, you poor thing. You’re incredible – you’ve been through so much, and come so far. You’re amazing! I know how much you miss exercising, and I can understand how you may not feel ‘yourself’ while you have to give little one so much care and attention, but please don’t set yourself really strict goals because I worry that you’ll make yourself feel worse if you’re just too exhausted to keep up with them
It would be great to follow the goals that you would like to achieve, but remember to spend time just relaxing and getting back to you. I love the cookery challenge – I def. need to get my cookbooks out more often! xx
Thank you sweetie
I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t think I’ll ever feel “normal” again….but I’ll have a new normal and that will be even better because I have a little Leo now 
And you’re right about making unachievable goals…i’m bad for doing that! love xxxx
Leo is doing so well because of the amazing mummy that you are. I know its taken a whole lot out of you but the gorgeous little man that you grew and are continuing to nourish with your body is going to continue to give you joy for the rest of your life. You’ll be back to yourself soon sweetieand in the meantime you have to care for yourself and treat yourself kindly. Big, big hugs xxxx
Thank you sweetie
As always, your words mean a lot. And I’m bouncing your advice back at ya 
Big hugs back lovely xxxxx
First of all, that muffin recipe is so simple, love it! Secondly, Emma you have gone through so much but I love your strength. Having a child is an amazing thing, I’ve seen my friends go through it, one of them is in having surgery today – after she had her first little girl she has had incontinence issues ever since. Her second little girl was via c section in August and even with no history of ED she has struggled. I think keeping a record here on the blog is great, but one thing you should add to your list is to spend time relaxing too! Oh and the cook book challenge is great as well!
Yes! I will add that too my list
And give your friend a hug from me because shit, C sections are no joke and nobody tells you how much they can impact on your life. Can’t wait to meet you! 
xxx
Oh sweetie *big squeezey hugs to both of you*. I wish so badly I could make things easier for you, it’s not fair that you’ve had to go through a load of crap just to get something you really wanted. You know how much I admire your strength and I only hope that I can use what you’ve been through to see me through when I might possibly have a baby because it will be bloody difficult. And yet you’ve done it. You’re here now, being an amazing mum and Leo is smiling so much because he knows that. And what’s more is that you are staying positive. Something that you worried about was depression coming back after you’d had your baby and look at you. You’re still suffering with pain but you’re getting on with it and seeing the positives and that my lovie shows just how strong you are. You are bloody amazing okay?
I agree with Christina that I know you’ve missed exercising but I think you can be too harsh on yourself sometimes. I only say this because I care. I want you to recover and things WILL come back in time I promise…but you can’t push that as you could hurt yourself and things won’t go to plan. I always think you’ll look back on this time in a couple of years to come when you’re back running and doing your thing and you’ll smile at how hard it was but be thankful that you got through it. Take it easy and every little bit counts at the moment. Love you both lots and lots <3 xxxx
Thank you SO much for this lovely message. It’s hard to know what’ll make me feel better some days! I’m thinking I’ll never feel like my old self because now I’m my “new self”
hehee! Love you lots and lots too 
xxxxx
Hunny you have over come so much. Sorry to hear about the infection it sounds painful. Focus on your beautiful baby boy and the new beginnings that he brings.
x